A few days ago, I literally stumbled upon an old notebook riddled with random jottings about my mundane life and the common annoyances around me. There was also a page full of point-form semi-comical factoids about yours truly. I've chosen a couple out of sheer boredom to share with the rest of you. Thank me later.


100% Factual Facts Pertaining to Jen Fedorowich


** I have a recurring dream containing Barenaked Ladies co-frontman Steven Page. I have no idea why this is. It's not even what one would consider a "sexy time" dream. I'm to assume we're friends, related or even possibly on the same water polo team. In any case, he's popped up a good 5 or 6 times...now tell me THAT hasn't been done. (NOTE : This particular comment was written PRE-cocaine bust. Now if he shows up in my dreams, I'm sure it will be to score money to feed his habit.)


** I have had a phone conversation with Robert Van Winkle. (You kids call him 'Vanilla Ice'.)
Here's the short version;
Ol' Icey was performing at The Barn where my classmate Preston was interviewing him for the campus radio station. Preston had 'Ice' call our fellow classmate Ryan's phone to wish him a 'Happy Birthday.'
Who picked up the phone?

Jen: Hello?
Ice : Hey, who is this?
Jen : Jen, who's this?
Ice : This is Ice.
Jen : As in Vanilla?
Ice : *Sigh* Yes.
Jen : (After several beer) Holy shit! I'm a huge fan!
Ice : Great. Umm, can you just let Ryan know that Ice says 'Happy Birthday.'
Jen : Yeah, but hey...
CLICK.


** At Christmas time, a 2 year old Jennifer used to rip the tags from presents thus causing a wave of panic throughout the house. I can only imagine how satisfying it was watching a 4 year old Kristy open a new burgundy housecoat and shaving kit.


** In the 5th grade, I was eligible for the School Districts Annual 10 - 12 year old Spelling Bee. To narrow down the classes' sole competitor, we did an impromptu challenge. Four, five, six words in, GOLDEN. My downfall? 'Environment.' I forgot the second god damn 'N' in enviroNment. Shame for me and my family ever since.


** If you would like to make me;
A) Cry
B) Vomit
C) Cry because I'm vomiting
...then lock me in a room with a Player Piano. I already fear antiques, but inanimate objects suddenly coming to life makes me wish mine was over. Honestly thinking about the keys and pedals pumping out a ragtime tune without anyone seated behind it, gives me the shakes.


** I am convinced that Robert Downey Jr. and I belong together. I know this statement makes me sound like a stalker (or bat-shit crazy), but bear with me...

Robert Downey Jr.
Jennifer Fedorowich

TRUE LOVE
0404 04 04

(Don't act like you've never done it!)

** If my calculations are correct (which in most cases they are) there is only a 12% chance of a restraining order.


** You have me to thank for the banning of backpacks in computer labs at Wilson Middle School. The very first day of grade 7, at the end of Information Processing, I turned rapidly - causing my backpack not just to bump a computer monitor but knock it onto the desk and then to the floor. You're welcome. (Kelsey Dow can vouch for this.)


** I can bend my thumb behind my knuckle. There's really no logistics behind it. It's just something stupid I like showing people. (The 'Baby Cry' also falls into this category.)


** The doctor named me. There is really not better way of saying it. The first disappointment was that I wasn't a boy. Whoops.

Mother : Well, we hadn't really thought about it - but we like the names Melissa or Jennifer.
Doctor : I really like Jennifer.
Father : Done!


** I have a loathing for past school teachers who pretend to remember you when they clearly don't. Yes, I know I look different. A semi-toothless 21-year old girl with a mushroom cut wearing a Power Rangers sweater would look pretty peculiar.


** My hetero-life mate Akane has an ever dying hate for Winnipeg's Golden Boy Remy Shand. Yes, his wife broke up the Canadian super-group (or super-poop?) Sugar Jones, but he's Canadian. I've been trying to convince her to show her support and 'take a message' from his love.
"I would not be happy if someone serenaded me with a voice like that." - Akane Kinjo


** I credit Jeff Buckley for changing the way I listen to music. I could boringly go into depth about what I mean, but just listen to 2:40 of 'So Real' and you'll know exactly what I mean. James knows what's up.


** I have a knack for signalling way too early in my car. It wasn't something I noticed until both Akane and Elyse pointed it out. It's really not that even big of a deal, at least not to me. But I'm sure the vehicles behind me are mega-pissed.


** I love catching the small glimpses of humanity in people. Sadly, these moments are scarce, but when fortunate enough to witness one, I make sure it's permanently etched into my memory.

Example: Last year during the crazy Christmas rush at Music World, a man currently at the till appeared to be roughly $4.00 short on his purchase. Without hesitation, the man who had just finished his transaction, threw down a $10 bill, said, "Merry Christmas" and walked away. If I think about it hard enough, I could probably cry. Gross.


** At LCC, in the Broadcast Journalism program, it was our duty to write and produce commercials for local businesses. One week I had the undeniable pleasure of writing a commercial for Galaxy Bowling. When I called to gather information about the services they offer, the worker on the line told me to call the manager and gave me a number. When the worker gave me said number, I laughed hysterically and told him he had just given me my Grandma's number. Mr.Galaxy was convinced that it was in fact his manager's number and that if it wasn't - he would give me a free round of bowling. I then picked up my cellphone and called the digits written on the paper in front of me.

*Ring*

Grandma: "Jennifer? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

Guess who went bowling the next day?


Heck yes.
As if you didn't have enough stuff to tease me about - I just supplied you with even more material. You're welcome.
In the meantime, I bid you adieu.
Cheers.

-Jen